Learning to love myself and Chemo #2 update

Hi bunnies! It's getting warm and my emotional health is loving it! I love nothing more than my sliding door open and the sounds of children running around the back yard. And the smell of Easter flowers…. Yes please! My real life problem this week is that I cannot find a head wrap to match my Easter dress. Real world problems. Today is chemo #3 and I am finishing this post during my infusion! I have some happy dance news I will share with you at the end of this post!

I am happy to report chemo #2 (3/17/21) was very uneventful outside of the hair loss. The hair loss is STILL happening and is more of a monster than I was expecting. So much more I am actually keeping a hair loss journal all on its own and will be posting that when the final hair falls. So stay tuned on that post. Outside of that I experienced mostly the same set of symptoms I had with round one, outside of a few things my new medications have helped me avoid! I did not have any acid reflux this time (hooray!) and I have been continuously taking Claritin and this time did not have any bone pain. I had treatment on Wednesday March 17th, Saint Patrick’s Day. I started with a green breakfast at Dark Horse with my dad, Ryan, Kodi, Maggie and Rachelle! They all enjoyed glittery green Bud Lights and I drank my water like a good girl! In good “if you can't drink it, eat it” fashion I took donuts and coffee to my nurses for this treatment. Treatment started at 10:45 and I was walking out the door at 1:45.

Here is where I brag endless about my bestie. My Kodi-Girl. Kodi was my chauffeur home and she arrived in sunny fashion with the windows in the Jeep down and presents! We spent the afternoon cruising County Road 9 and signing in our very best voices. She treated me to Archies and delivered me back home to nap! Backstory. I met Kodi at the 2005 Hancock County Fair. Her friends ditched her and my friends ditched me, so we ended up hanging out together! I learned to french braid that night on YouTube, which was barely a thing I would like to add! We have been best friends ever since. We have had our highest highs and our lowest lows in each other's arms. She has been the sun to my moon in all phases of my life and cancer has been no exception. If you do not have a friend you can say these things about you need to find one. Maybe there is an app for that??

One thing I can always count on Kodi for is reminding me to love myself. I know this sounds goofy and some might even be surprised by this but I am not afraid to admit it out loud anymore. I am so guilty here and I hate it! But in true mom fashion, I never make time for myself. And that includes self care! I don't make space for my mental health. I don’t take time to put on a face mask, and watch tv without doing something else at the same time. Multitasking is my cardio! I am laughing while typing this. But the first thing Kodi made me do following my diagnosis was make me promise to take care of me. And so I am on a journey to discovering self care and self love! My journey to learning to love myself has only begun but here are my top 3 tips so far.

Love #1 Face masks! I love trying new skin care products and Grove Collaborative has only made that shopping habit worse! If you have not signed up for this online platform yet, you are missing out! So much fabulous-ness! I have tried just about every sheet mask they have and I love them all. I hold myself accountable to caring for my wrinkles and use one every Monday without excuse. It's 15-20 minus of quiet and still. I also use this moment to roll my neck. I invested in one of those pretty jade rollers and I use it on my neck while my face absorbs the goodness of the mask! I don't have hair so I can’t let those neck wrinkles start showing! I have discovered that this small amount of time has made a huge difference in how I look in the mirror. I used to look in and see the flaws, see the wrinkles and eye roll that at 29 I already have crows feet! But making a small change to my regimen and giving my wrinkles a weekly dose of love did great things for my mind. I know I am loving them, and treating them once in a while.

Love#2 No work after dark. This one is a big one and probably the easiest rule to break. How many times as parents do you put your kiddos to bed only to go “get something done”? Every damn night was my answer pre-cancer. I would put in orders, type letters, work on volunteer work, ect. And what I realized is, if you're working all day and working at night, when are you having fun? Weekends? Life is about more than the weekend. So i had to implement a new rule for myself. No work after dark. I can build a puzzle, or paint my nails. But with no exceptions I do not work after I lay the girls down. I promise you can do it too! Build up your confidence and set yourself limits. Maybe that is your only time to work, but try limiting your work to an hour, or only certain tasks! What I have learned from removing the work late in the evenings is that I actually like binge watching Netflix, and painting my nails on a regular basis. I am also trying to learn to embroidery, that stuff is harder than it looks. I also have a comfortable couch! Amazing what you are missing when you're multitasking.

Love #3 Make time for yourself and time alone with those around you. I knew this, you know this. We need alone time, we need date night with our spouses, but do we make this time regularly? Nope. My calendar has been at the mercy of my doctors for the last 5 weeks. I show up where and when they tell me too. So why are we not at our own mercy more often?! Huge discovery. Ryan and I have a monthly date the second tuesday of every month! We started this in 2020 and it quickly became a date we looked forward to. Now I am working to do this with all the important people in my life. Kodi comes over every Wednesday. I plan dates with the girls each alone. I attend church with a friend. I am learning to spend more one on one time with more of my people and return those relationships are flourishing! Who will you make plans with today?

Are you feeling all the love yet? I hope this update encourages you to make a couple changes and you start to discover more self love in your own life! In the process of writing this I got some FANTASTIC news! My oncologist said this morning that my tumor is feeling smaller! Happy dance!!!! 3 down as of today and 13 more to go. I will update again next week. Thank you for being here along my journey and allowing me to have an outlet. I am so blessed and thankful. xoxoxo